Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

Conflicts may occur when people, engaged in a social situation, are unable to work together in an amicable manner. Interestingly, conflict also exists in the form of self-conflict where one is in disagreement with oneself. Given its ubiquity, conflicts might have become an unavoidable part of our everyday lives. In that case, are all conflicts necessarily bad then? In fact, it is not. Conflicts, when positively handled, may be beneficial in strengthening a relationship, but the converse holds true too in its ability to destroy one.

Video: Cartoon Conflict - Perish!

A conflict is always exhausting as we expend our energy to deal with our emotions. To resolve conflicts, parties should be mentally and emotionally prepared. If you are not yet ‘ready to fight’, you could take an exit to think through before responding to the problem. In my opinion, it is always better to think level headed than to act irrationally as this might cause unnecessary ad hominem arguments. Lastly, it is important for parties to dedicate enough time to fruitfully resolve an issue so that time doesn't become a stressful factor!  

Video: Ice Age 3 (Eggsicles) - Sid "exits" the conflict by relenting when not ready to argue

Photo: Take time to think through before responding

'Don't hang your dirty linen in the public'. We should always try to resolve our conflicts in the private domain as the external factors in the open may influence the outcome of the conflict, for example parties may be eager to win the argument for face and self-image. As such, victims are subjected to torrents of hurtful and abusive rebuttals that are unnecessary for a resolution. In most cases, egos will be dented and deflated as a result, making them hard to patch and remain scarred even after a long period of time.

Thirdly, know what kind of conflict you are fighting over. Be it relational, content, image, values or others, we should only fight over problems that can be solved or else no agreement can be reached. Lastly, avoid 'gunnysacking' all the problems but target one issue at a time so that the problem can be contained within a certain perimeter.

Additionally, I wish to share this journal article that I came across last semester about the ‘win-win’ solution. Does win-win really mean that both parties are winners here? Not necessarily. A dispute must arise from a conflict of interests. Therefore, a win-win solution may very well be a form of a compromise where each party gives way till they achieve their desired minimum. Following that school of thought, I believe that a 'win-win' scenario may only occur in cases of aligned goals. That being said, compromising could still be an optimal solution as each party gets part of what they want as we may see in the Olive Branch video below.

Video: Olive Branch (Sleep) - Compromise

To that end, conflicts are inevitable in life. I feel that the most beneficial resolution to a conflict is always to problem-solve. Of course, problem-solving is easier said than done. Sometimes, one might get lost in his or her maze of anger and is unable to extricate oneself from it or remain silently oppressed. On a final note, it definitely benefits to speak to someone so that you may gain some interesting perspectives to a problem. And if an agreement can be reached, move on, honour the new commitments and let go of past positions, blame and punishment! Make your world a nicer one to live in!